Last week Monday I boarded a bus to head off to Datong in Shanxi province for a little travel during China's Golden Week holiday, a seven day break in which nearly anyone who isn't in the service industry in China has a vacation. Misjudging the time, I delayed buying train tickets... then found they were all sold out. I decided to change my trip destination to Shanxi, from the original location of Suzhou in the south. Suzhou would have been a 17+ hour bus ride as all the plane tickets were also sold out. It's basically like labor day and thanksgiving rolled into one, with five times the population.
So, at about 12:45 I showed up at the bus station and bought a ticket on the 1:40 to Datong, a 4 or 5 hour bus ride. Not too bad. As we got near Datong, I started talking to the woman next to me. She was going home for the break with a family that had basically adopted her and whom she currently lives with in Tianjin. We chatted about the natural 'where you're from' small talk, but also about what to eat and do in Datong. She was surprised I was traveling by myself. Most Chinese are. "Where's your partner?" "It's just me." She told the father of the family and he immediately invited me to eat dinner with them.
"No, no," I said. "I'm just going to get some noodles and then probably fall asleep."
"Nonsense, we'll eat spicy fish! Can you eat spicy things?"
"Oh sure, I love spicy things, but really I was just going to get some noodles on my own, isn't that what you're supposed to eat here?"
He went back and sat down. And I turned to the woman next to me, their adopted daughter/family friend, saying that I couldn't accept, it's just troubling them when I could really just go find a place to eat on my own. Then the father stood up again, "We have reservations, so you are coming." I again turned to the woman next to me and she made this "you have to accept now" sort of comment. So that was it. And off we went to a room on the third floor of a restaurant that had every food imaginable.
We each drank a small bottle of fenjiu (Shanxi's Special alcohol) and ate some specialty foods of Shanxi. Their lamb is very good as it's close to Inner Mongolia. We had some Cold noodles as well as another version of Shanxi noodles. The whole time we were drinking and talking and talking with his wife, daughter, and their family friend, he kept saying how he was going to take me around Datong. I basically had to fight that off, saying how I can take the bus to the Hanging Temple and the caves. Ok, but I'm going to help you find a place to stay after dinner and then tomorrow after you're back we can meet up again. I said, you really don't have to help, I can go find a place. After dinner we went to a hotel his business uses where he has a discount. Unfortunately they were full. We went across the street to another hotel; 60 RMB ($9) I said, this place is perfect. He said, absolutely not, it's not clean enough. We went down the street and found a place that was 200 RMB (28 USD) a night. I pulled my money out and he fought me off. Now you might ask why I couldn't force him out of the way and pay my own way. Well, it's tough when this Chinese man is 5 inches taller than me and about 50 pounds heavier. He's a big guy... and he paid for two nights in the hotel.
And so it continued. The next day after visiting the Hanging Temple, I came back and called Liu Ge or big brother Liu, as I had come to call him after being told not to call him Uncle. We met up and waited for a friend, a man high up in Datong's local government, and Liu's family to come by. We went to a new restaurant, again more alcohol was poured and chopsticks were lifted. With several toasts I said some 'thank yous' for treating me so well and welcoming me and feeding me so well here in Datong. Liu Ge told me not to say thank you one more time. I said, it's just a cultural custom, I'm just used to saying it. But that was the last time I said it. It really is a weird thing, but the thank you is so different here in China.
Again after telling him he didn't have to drive me anywhere, I could find the caves and temples myself he said that's fine, let me at least take you to a noodle place tomorrow for breakfast. I agreed, on the condition that it was just for noodles, I would go around by myself. The next morning was a rough start after a lot of Shanxi liquor with Liu and friends... I told him I wasn't going to eat anything this morning and was going to sleep a little bit more. He said, fine and to call later.
He had convinced me to stay another night and take a bus Thursday morning to Wutai Mountain. After a day of temple hopping came a third dinner with Liu, his family, and we were joined by his sister's family. We had Hunan food, delicious and spicy and, of course, washed down with more Shanxi liquor. The next morning, it was agreed that when I woke up I should give him a call and he would drive me to the bus station... he wouldn't take no for an answer.
He took me back to the hotel, this time I had already prepared the 200 RMB in my pocket and was telling him there was no need to get out of the car, no need to come inside with me. But he was already getting out of the car and coming in with me. At the front desk I was quicker and had already given my money to the receptionist, but Liu reached across the desk, grabbed the money from her hand and shoved it at me, giving her his 200 RMB in stead. I didn't take the money and he put it in my sweatshirt pocket instead. I insisted on giving it to him... but to no avail. I was going to utter a thank you when I changed and said, "you really have been too nice to me here." He said not to be so kind and not to say thank you.
I woke up the next morning to head to the bus station, we got there at about 8.15 only to find that the two buses for the morning had both left at 7.30... the next one wasn't until 4 pm. He said, well, looks like we're going to the Wooden Pagoda! So I bought a ticket on the bus with Liu's money. He wouldn't let me pay my own, I insisted on giving the money back, telling him I brought my own money too. He refused to take it back even when I put it in his jacket pocket.
I told him that he didn't have to take me anywhere, I could find things to do in Datong for the day. But he stated the wooden pagoda was too far without your own car, so it'd be perfect if he would drive. So he called his sister who had taken his daughter to the park and then called his wife. We picked them both up and headed to breakfast. It was a Shanxi specialty breakfast dish, well two, each had lamb guts: stomach, intestines, congealed blood served two ways one in a soup and one over noodles. It actually was pretty good. Just a surprising breakfast food...
From breakfast we started on our way to the wooden pagoda. His daughter fell asleep. We talked about a variety of things. His wife told me that they had never ridden the bus before, but with train tickets all sold out and them not having a car in Tianjin this month because of the Olympics (restrictions on car usage in and around Beijing) all meant they were left with no choice but to take a bus from Beijing to Datong. "So it's really karma that we met!" she said. I agreed.
We got back to Datong after a morning at the pagoda, and ate "Tofu Brain." A hot pot of soft tofu served with pork ribs. Delicious. And this lunchtime feast was, of course, washed down with a final bottle of Shanxi Liquor each.
He invited my friends and family to Datong, if I let him know when I was coming, he would come back from Tianjin and take me and other people around. He gave me four bottles of Shanxi liquor to take home to the US. And then asked me to look around for a needle used in surgeries... His business makes products used in surgeries, and Liu wanted me to get a hold of this one kind of needle. He sent me off with a brochure and a picture of the needle he meant... and with that I was left with a friend in both Datong and Tianjin, as he spends most of his time in Tianjin, a port city within easy reach of Beijing. "Give me a call when you come to Tianjin, we'll eat seafood!"
While I didn't say thank you again, I found I could tell him and his wife that these few days in Datong have been great, I've been able to understand Datong and Shanxi's specialty foods and the city's welcoming culture. I've eaten until I was full and drank very well. While it wasn't "thank you" it was still a thank you.
